all i have to say.

“You’re right... maybe I am a bad person, I was a cold person. But does that make me less human? A freak?? “
I know I have no right to say this. But I had no other choice.
I know I was selfish, I didn’t even spend the time to think about you, and what you felt, just before ruining everything. And I can’t find the words to explain how sorry I am. But I’ll try, so just hear me out.
Back then, I just felt so afraid and so terrified, that I just couldn’t think. I know you’ll think this is nothing but an excuse; but if you think that you’re wrong. It took me all this time, just to gather the courage to write this down. So I really hope you’ll give it another try and read this.
I’m not a cold hearted person, I can’t be like that. And if I were, just understand that I was not myself that day. I’m not arrogant, and I don’t hurt people for my entertainment. But I am selfish, and I have a natural predisposition to get scared out of anything. Don’t think that I don’t know myself. I do. And I’m not glad to say that I’ve already saw this coming.
I did. Knowing myself as I do, it was only a matter of time until I was so desperate that my only solution would be to run of. As I did!
You probably hate me right now. Ok, not probably, you do hate me. And I feel ashamed because I know that I gave you the motives to hate me. But trust me on this; you were the last person in the world that I wanted to hurt. Can you believe me when I say that I’ve never felt this close to any other boy ever in my life? Believe it or not, it’s true.
And when you sent me that message saying basically “let’s work things out”, I got mad; but not at you. I got mad at myself because I just wanted it to be that simple. Because it would have been that simple, and I just couldn’t make it right. And then you got even more pissed of at me on the Facebook. Yes, I was talking to you when I published that comment. I guess I just wanted you’re attention, but I didn’t did it the right way did i?
I’ve messed up so badly with you.
I’m a complete morrow to just let a guy like you slip through my fingers. I should have hold you to me, because, whether you think this way or not, you are one men to keep for life. I just didn’t realize that a little sooner. Or else, I did realize that, I just didn’t want to admit how stupid I was.
Ok, by now I guess you’re pretty much tired of reading this so… I’ll say my last worlds.
Don’t use that mask of yours for ever. Some day you’ll have to take that mask of and let the world have its effects on you. That’s just the way life is. And yes, you do wear a mask!
I just consider myself lucky to have caught just a glimpse of that real you, without the mask. When you asked me on the bus stop if I liked you. I’ve never seen you more vulnerable. And I had never liked you more.
So I guess I have two more things to say. And that is I’M SORRY and of course THANK YOU.

Romeo and Juliet - Act II, Scene VI

These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite:
Therefore love moderately; long love doth so;
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow.

William Shakespeare

Reflection

It’s hard not to think of you. I know that by now, I should’ve already gotten over you, but, although my mind has this strange way of making things easy, on real life, those things are not that easy.
Things can get really weird some times. It might just be me getting crazy and all that, but, most of the times, I actually think I’m seeing you right by my side, when, obviously, you’re nowhere near me. You’re miles away from me, living your life, and a happy one I guess. Because if you weren’t happy there, where you’re at, you would’ve come back to your hometown, to your family, to your friends, to your hold life, and a good life you had I must say, and of course, you would’ve come back to me.
There are so many things that I had to quit because I couldn’t stand to just do them without you. For many weeks I wasn’t even able to smile, and, to me, laugh, and give a mere reflection of a true smile, took me months, because I knew that I had lost you forever. It still pains me, to know that I’m not the one for you, that I wasn’t strong enough to grow up, strong enough to grow to be women that you needed me to be, strong enough to fight against everyone who stood between us, I wasn’t even strong enough to hold you in my arms long enough for you to know how important you were to me, how important you still are.
Writing this text is hard for me, because it reminds me that I’m still here, kind of waiting for you, alone, with no guiding line but the one that I drew by myself and that it’s so twisted and turned, and that you are there, probably with her. She’s the lucky one; she has a great guy, the type of boy that would do anything for his girl. The type of guy that, a long time ago, use to belong to me.